Potato

Go send 'em

Potato - the nicest vegetable of them all, a french fry basis & more. Potato was brought to the Europe by a Spaniard Pissaro, who brought it from incas in Peru. Soviet history textbooks state that the potatoes were brought by (the only famous 15th century traveller) Columbus. Don't believe it, it's a diletanticism, cuz Columbus thought that he discovered a route to India, not to America, and knew only a few territories in Cuba. Thus, he brought back only what was growing in Cuba at the time (some spices), and potatoes were left in Peru.

When Spaniards tried to taste the potatoes, they thought that it's a Diablo product that grows in hell and is unsuitable for eating, and so they used it for decoration. Later, the pirate idol and the horror of Spanish, Francis Drake, stole a few of their ships and found potatoes, which he sold to queen of England at the cost of gold weight. Later, history has shown that English were smarter than Spanish, so they ate the vegetable itself, grown on the soil and not the other parts of it.

Austrian national potato goulash

Take at least one strip of bacon, the remaining potatoes, and borrow some onions & chili powder. Fry the bacon for a while in any kind of cooking pot, then throw the sliced onions and potatoes in. Fry for a bit, and then pour the chili powder in. When everything blackens a bit, pour a large amount of water and cook until the water evaporates. Five hours later, everything is ready, bon appetite...

If at least a droplet of EU patriotism has remained, leave everything in the pot on the sun for a few days, add some rotten eggs and send it to the nearest Russian embassy while wishing good luck...