English/A

English language words starting with letter A.

AA

1. very nearly a towing company; that which will take a broken down car eight-twelfths of the way to the nearest mechanic.
2. abrv, Anti-Agnostics.
3. a support group which offers the replacement of a once pleasurable addiction for an utterly displeasurable network of security.

Aardwark

Obviously, an audacious creature chiefly remarkable for its length of tongue, fondness for ants, and precociousness in lexicons.

Able

Actually sober.

Ably

adv, describing the way a thing is done when it is done for money.

Acid

1. any substance with a pH less than 7.
2. the taste of your self-respect after Viagra, feminine deodorant spray, and myriad other modern staples of existence.

Adage

the truth dilapidated.

Admiration

In reality - simply harassment.

Advent

an extended pre-Christmas holiday for the exploitations of family gift milkers and religious nut jobs.

Adventitious

1. relating to a government conspiracy; a plot.
2. anything to do with an ex-lover; pointless.

Advertising

an expensive and revolutionary method by which companies improve your opinions.

Agnostic

1. neurotic.
2. one prone to severe and seemingly endless bouts of indecisiveness.
3. One who goes against the Gnostics, a long vanished religious sect remarkable for their narrow loss to Christianity in the great Cosmic game of Slap-Jack.

Alcohol

1. a form of popular entertainment vastly less expensive than vacations, movies, theme parks, or even cable TV.
2. different beverages such as cognac, beer, vodka, liquor, rum, vine, whisky, whiskey, and others

Alcoholic

1. one not content to leave well enough alone.
2. anyone who drinks more than you.
3. one with a drinking problem excoriated by those with a problem not minding their own fucking business.

Alcoholism

1. an involuntary disease caused by the similarly involuntary purchase and ingestion of alcohol.
2. a condition which cynics claim is engaged in for the avoidance of life but which realists see as practical, asking, "If life is not worth avoiding, what is?"

Alien

1. an English speaking, standard model human with big ears, an extra butt or extremities; a human.
2. E.T. with a dildo.
3. anyone from a country poorer than, say, Britain.
4. an artist with a job.
5. a musician at home.
6. an actor in his own body.
7. a child without medication.
8. a teacher that cares to teach.
9. as of the election of one 21st Century American President, an American in any other country.

Alternative

1. crummy.
2. insubstantial themes watered down and passed off as cutting edge to poorly dressed, vaguely dis-satisfied, yet consistently gullible consumers.
3. homosexual; more at gay.
4. heterosexual; more at straight.
5. the second part of an ultimatum; eg, "Either you publish my book, or I'll rob and decapitate you."

Ambiguous

a moron's self-proclamation of large stature.

American indian

1. any of several indigenous races of the Americas characterized by superlative culture, serenity, and the refusal to disappear gracefully.
2. a tear-jerker of 500 chapters.

Amsterdam

a European city holding the ridiculous notion that the intoxicating yet relatively harmless substance, marijuana, should be a peaceful means of profit for the government and the community, rather than an excuse to spend billions of tax dollars on a futile war against its own people and constitution; the world's own insane asylum. Amsterdam is well known for its flag with letters "XXX".

Anger

the state of being mad; madness.

Antichrist

1. fearing for our lives, the editors decline to point out any Poles in pointy hats.
2. Louis Farrakhan.

AOL

1. an ISP which is chiefly useful for losing tremendous amounts of data and denying even the most basic connections while charging the most premium of rates; proof that gross incompetence and popularity are not mutually exclusive.
2. a missed keystroke, a typo of SOL.

Apocalypse, the

1. The Big Event; Good Vs. Evil; Don King's retirement plan.
2. a religiously predicted series of events including dramatic appearances by all major cosmic forces, and a final "Judgement Day" which promises either eternal salvation, or infinite damnation, depending on your schedule.
3. something you can afford to get all worked up about — as well as purchase bumper stickers relating to — if you're making enough money to keep a car registered, insured, and running.

Artificial insemination

the transmission of something inside something else through unnatural means; eg, a virtual magazine.

Artist

a philosopher who has taken a moral stand against work.

Ashley

a boy's name, though a contrary opinion is held accurate by many cretins.

Aspiration

1. what gives one reason to rejoice in life in youth.
2. what gives one reason to despair in life in old-age.

Atheist

one with an IQ exceeding 105.

AWOL

in the military, a sudden rush of sanity and wisdom; an awakening.

Axiom

the truth decapitated.